I’ve been the “Mother of the Groom” three times in the past four years…..and twice in two months.  That wasn’t the plan.  My middle step-son, Scott’s original wedding date was in July 2020.  I don’t need to tell you why that didn’t happen.  Their rescheduled date was August 2021 and my youngest stepson, Brett, had already planned for October 2021. So, Mother of the Groom Dresses have been my “thing” for the last few months.

So, while this knowledge was all fresh in my head, I thought I would share it all with you.  Much of it is “timeless”, so if your son or daughter is getting married next week or next year, it should still be relevant!  Pretty much everything is applicable to both the Mother of the Bride or the Mother of the Groom, with just a few traditional etiquette issues that make a difference.

A small quick note here. I call my boys my “stepsons” in respect to their mom who passed away many years ago.  But I love them as though they are my own – I’ve been their stepmom for 17 years. It’s relevant in this post because I am not the “stepmother” as far as fashion goes here.  I dressed as the “Mother of the Groom”. 

The Dress

For me, it all starts with the dress. Traditionally, the Mother of the Bride chooses her dress first and informs the Mother of the Groom so that they don’t clash colors and that their styles are similar (one isn’t dressed more formally than the other). 

I respect tradition, so in all three cases, I did wait for the Mother of the Bride to make her decision first and I went from there.  All three brides were easy-going as well.  They just wanted us to wear what made us feel comfortable. So there was no difficulty at all and I felt free to choose the style of dress I wanted.

The first decision on the dress was long versus short. For my eldest stepson, Matt’s wedding, we went short and for the other two we went long.  

Next is color.  For Matt’s wedding, we all decided that both mothers would wear a blush color that blended with the bridesmaids dresses. With Scott and Brett’s wedding, we coordinated with the bridesmaids, but did not match directly. For Scott’s wedding, the girls wore a dusty blue, so I went with navy blue.  For Brett’s wedding, the girls were wearing a dusty rose, so I went with a wine color.

I should include time of year here.  Matt’s wedding (the short dress) was in July.  Scott’s wedding (dusty blue dresses) was in August and Scott’s wedding (dusty rose) was in October, which is why I chose the richer fall color for the October wedding. 

Another consideration when picking a dress (and later on, shoes and hair) is whether or not the wedding is inside or outside.  For the latter two, the weddings were outside and the receptions were inside.  So I wanted a dress that would be comfortable in both scenarios. 

I chose sleeveless for the August wedding and a “cape-like” look for the October wedding, knowing it could be cool.  Of course, you had to know we’d have an unusually warm day – it was 80 degrees.  Besides being a little warm, it was actually perfect!

So, now that that’s all settled, it comes down to personal style when picking your dress.  For me, I wanted something that was “elegant and mature” but not overly traditional or “matronly”. Most dresses it seems are form-fitting, so finding one that fit well was a bit of a challenge.  We’ll talk about tailoring a little later, it really is key to the perfect fit.  

Because of the pandemic, I ended up ordering every dress in two sizes.  I made sure to order them from stores with good return policies, such as Nordstrom or Macy’s.  I avoided ordering from small boutiques where it would be hard and expensive to return.  With most larger department stores, you can return in-store, which is what I did.

In all cases, the smaller size “fit” but was a little snug and the larger size had some extra room.  So I picked the larger size each time and then took them to a tailor. 

Dress Brands:

Blush Dress: Tadashi Shoji

Navy Dress: Vince Camuto

Wine Dress: Betsy & Adam

Tailoring

When you take your dress to the tailor, make sure you take your undergarments (such as Spanx) and your shoes if you need the dresses hemmed.  You probably already know this. The Spanx is key not just because it adjusts how the dress fits, but you may need to cover up a bra strap. 

Don’t give up on a dress that you really like if there’s an issue you’re not comfortable with.  It can probably be fixed.  For the navy dress, I didn’t like how low the front plunged, because even with the sequins, you could still see through it.  So, I worked with the tailor and we added some nude color tulle inside.  The dress still had the same effect but you couldn’t see through it.

Timing is also key for getting your dress tailored.  For one of the dresses, I waited until almost the last minute to have the dress altered because I wanted to lose those “last five pounds” (which I never did).  But as a result, I cut it a little close, because, and this is a true story, my seamstress had a heart attack and was in the hospital before she could fix my dress.  It all worked out, but lesson learned.  Better to have the dress fixed and lose five pounds after.  It will just look better anyway!

Undergarments

If you’re reading this and can skip this section because you don’t need Spanx, I salute you! If you haven’t purchased them for some reason, know that they are relatively expensive (but worth it!). For the last two weddings, my undergarments cost $80 and $125 a piece.  

You may be wondering why I didn’t use the same Spanx for both dresses.  I would have loved to, but believe it or not, the first pair didn’t work on the second dress.  The first reason was because it had a “bone” that ran down each side that didn’t show on the first dress, but you could see it on the second one.  I also needed a thinner bra strap for the second dress.  

Because these undergarments usually are not returnable with the tags removed, make sure to try them on with your dress with the tags on.  It can be a pain, and the tags can get in the way, but you want to make sure it looks right.  You can get a pretty good idea even with the tags on. It may look great in the dressing room, but not under your dress.

Jewelry, Shoes and Bags

This is the fun part for me, I love to accessorize.  I was able to re-purpose one of my bags because the weddings were four years apart, but since the other two were close I ended up doing something that looked different.

Once again, I start with color.  For the navy dress, I wanted something in cool/blue tones so I went with silver shoes.  Remember how I said if the wedding was outside it might make a difference in shoes?  Because the last two were outside, I decided to go with a block heel, just in case the ground was wet.  I didn’t want to sink in or stumble up the aisle.  This ended up being a good decision because they were so much more comfortable than stilettos I wore for the first wedding.  I could dance and wear them much longer before I put on my flip flops.

For the wine color dress, I could have gone gold or silver, but thought that rose gold might be a little different and pretty. I already had a rose colored clutch that I used for Matt’s wedding four years earlier, so I just had to find shoes, which I did.  

As mentioned, I really did like the block heels.  I wore stilettos for Matt’s wedding and my feet were killing me early on. Finding some fancy flip flops to slip into during the reception helped at all three weddings. I did keep them on until the Mother-Son dance and then and I could relax!

My jewelry decisions were also based on the style of the dress.  I have some very nice diamond jewelry that Jeff had bought for me over the years, so I like to wear them for special occasions.  With the blush dress, because it had a little bit of a busy pattern, I did wear the diamond drop earrings.  For the navy dress, because of the sequins and the fact that I couldn’t wear a necklace, I wore some drop crystal earrings. With the wine dress, I had the same issue in that I couldn’t wear a necklace and because of the way I wore my hair, I knew I could pull off some big earrings, which I did.  Again, these were crystal costume jewelry earrings also, just bigger. 

For all three weddings I wore my diamond tennis bracelet, a gift from Jeff on our 10th wedding anniversary.  I also always like to wear a watch if I can.  With the blush dress, I didn’t wear one, but I wore my dressy Shinola watch for the last two. I also wore my mom’s snake ring for all three weddings – the ring we’ve talked about before. It was like she was there with me. (If you don’t know the story of the snake ring, you can read it here).

Hair

Of all the things I had to plan for, hair is always the worst for me.  I have really fine hair and it’s also pretty thin.  It can be a challenge, but I do the best I can.  Luckily, I have a secret weapon and it’s my sister-in-law, Jan (Jen’s mom).  She is a hair stylist and has been doing my hair for a very long time and knows it inside and out. 

That’s why when she suggested clip-in extensions, I was onboard right away.  In each of these photos of my hairstyle, extensions are used in all of them.  I think they are most noticeable in the style with the wine dress, you kinda know my hair is not that long.  But I feel that extensions are almost normal and acceptable these days, so I didn’t really worry about it too much. We were also able to do a couple of practice runs, so the day of the wedding was pretty smooth sailing. She already knew exactly where she wanted to clip in the extensions and also curled them ahead of time.

I wore my hair up with the navy dress because the wedding was outside and close to the water.  I was afraid the humidity would ruin any hairstyle I had, even with extensions.  In retrospect, I wouldn’t do it again.  While I liked how it looked in person, and I thought my sister-in-law did an awesome job, I don’t really like how it looks in pictures. You can’t see how pretty it is in the back, so it just looks like I don’t have much hair in the front.  Just something to think about.

Makeup

I prefer to do my own makeup for big events.  While I like having someone do it for me, I prefer to look like myself, if that makes sense.  I did go through a little extra effort, of course. by using a foundation base, applying my foundation with the beauty blender, and, as a special treat, getting eyelash extensions.

I have the same issue with my lashes as I do the hair on my head – there’s not much there and what is there, is pretty skimpy.  So, for all three weddings, I had the extensions. I could have (and would have) used false lashes, but I am not the best at getting them to stay on. So this was my treat to myself.  They are a little expensive and my lashes will look “naked” again when they fall out, but they were worth having.  You don’t even need mascara. I will probably use a lash serum after they fall out, so I will report back on that.

You can see my makeup routine in a previous post by clicking HERE.

Travelling 

As luck would have it, all three weddings were out of town.  Matt and his wife Coree live in Denver, so we had to travel there of course by airplane.  The other two weddings were in Michigan but they each were about three hours away.

So, it’s a little nerve wracking to make sure you remember everything including safety pins and fabric tape and also plan for something going wrong (which it didn’t, but you never know).  I actually bought an extra dress to the last two weddings. They would not have matched or looked good, but I had them in case of a broken zipper or something else extraordinary.  I don’t want to scare or jinx anyone, this was just me. 

Flying to Denver and making sure my dress and accessories arrived made me somewhat nervous. I didn’t want to check it and I didn’t want things sliding around in a traditional carry-on.  So I found this little carry-on that just fit my dress, undergarments, shoes, etc. perfectly.  It fit under the seat and kept everything pretty much wrinkle free.  Luckily, this was the wedding with the short dress, so it was easier to travel with. I wrapped it in tissue and hung it up immediately when we got to Denver.

Final Tips and Shopping

My final two tips – the first two things I always have with me for big events. Many of the items that I wore even in the last couple of months are no longer available, but I will list a few of them below that are still available or there is something similar available.

**Please note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases

Sally Hansen Leg Makeup

This is great stuff, even if it sounds a little weird. No one really wears pantyhose anymore, but you still want your legs to look nice. I used it with the short dress for Matt’s wedding and I’ve used it for other events too. Make sure your legs are nice and moisturized before you use it. I wait a few minutes before I get dressed but it does not wear off or get on your clothes. In fact, I need a wash cloth and a lot of soap in the shower to get it off. It really hides all your imperfections.

It comes in multiple shades but I use the “light” mostly because I just want to hide imperfections, not necessarily add color.

Gas-X

So this is a tip that I read about in a magazine years ago and it really works – even if it’s not very sexy! You can see that all the dresses I wore were form fitting, so the last thing you need is a bloated stomach. So, I follow the instructions and chew a couple within 24 hours of the event and it helps keep my stomach flat. I am not a doctor so I can’t recommend them professionally. I suggest you read the instructions and decide if they are right for you.

Heel Guards

Before I found my block heels, I was considering buying these for my heels for the wedding ceremony outside. They actually protect your heels from sinking in and you can remove them for the reception!

Glitter Clutch

Crystal Clutch

Givenchy Silver Tone Double Drop Earrings

Chandelier Earrings

Under the Seat Carry-On Luggage

This is pretty much the same suitcase as mine. It’s the same brand and size, the only difference is that mine was hard side and this is soft side.

Are you preparing to be a Mother or the Groom or a Mother of the Bride soon? Please let me know in the comments below if this post helped you! And, if there was information missing that you had hoped would be included, let me know that too!