Happy Mother’s Day! For a blog entitled “The Harper Girls”, you have to imagine that Mother’s Day is pretty important to us. This blog all started because we value the lessons our mothers taught us. We believe that the lessons of the past are just as important as the present. We want to share them all. And it’s not just about our mothers, it’s about our grandmothers, great-grandmothers, aunts, you name it. They are all important.
The Harper Girl that was probably the most “reckoning force” was Joyce Harper – Dianne’s mom and Jen’s grandma. She played such a strong role in both our lives and is a big inspiration for this blog. Both of our moms are equally as important, but let’s start with Joyce and the most memorable lesson she taught Dianne.
Lessons from Joyce Harper – Dianne’s Mom
Every time I told this story in my mom’s presence, she would just roll her eyes. She never really thought of herself as “wise” or “special”, but to me she was both. What I love about this story is that it wasn’t just something she told me, it was her actions I will never forget. It’s a good one to add the “lessons our mothers taught us.”
If you haven’t already noticed, food is a big deal in our family. Going out for a meal? Well even more exciting. So let’s go back to the 1960’s and let me set the stage. We had recently moved to New Jersey. My mom, growing up in New York City, never had a car or learned to drive. Now living in the suburbs, she had to learn to drive and it made her pretty nervous.
I don’t know how long she was driving at the time of this story, but it was still pretty new for her. So here’s how the story goes. The night before, my mom had told my brother and me that she would take us to get meatball sandwiches for lunch the next day. Being from the East Coast and part Italian, this was a big deal to me (and, again, it’s food). But the next day there was a really bad thunderstorm – it was raining cats and dogs. I also remember thinking to myself “Oh, darn, mom will be too nervous to drive in this storm. So much for my meatball sandwich.” I remember being disappointed, but understood, even though I was probably around six at the time.
But then, my mom said to my brother and me “Get in the car – we’re going!!” I couldn’t believe it. But this is the part I remember most. I was sitting in the back seat watching my mom drive in the pouring rain. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and I could tell how scared she was. And that’s when I realized – she had made a promise to us and given her word and she wasn’t going back on that no matter how scared she was. It was something I never forgot.
I can honestly say that I can’t ever remember a time that she went back on her word if she promised something and it’s something that I have tried to emulate. I always knew I could count on here and I hope my friends and family know that they can always count on me. Thanks Mom. A valuable lesson I’ll never forget.
To learn more about Joyce’s mom, my grandma, you can check out the post about Grandma Rose.
Lessons from Jan Harper – Jen’s Mom
One of the biggest “lessons our mothers taught us”, I didn’t realize until I had a daughter of my own.
Having a kid is tough, but one thing other women don’t always mention are the changes your body goes through. Throw in a pandemic and sitting at home most of the time, and it’s easy to not feel great about your body. I’ve never been overly down about myself though, I can honestly say I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought I hated myself. I don’t always love it, but I never hate it.
Once I realized my daughter was old enough that she was starting to understand and internalize the things I say, I knew I had to stop talking down about myself. She’s perfect the way she is, and I don’t want it getting into her head that she isn’t.
Another amazing thing I realized was she doesn’t care about how I look! She doesn’t care if I have a couple extra pounds on me, or some zits! All she cares about is if I’m a good mom and love her!
So this brings me to my mom. While having this revelation about my own daughter, I realized I’ve never heard my mom say anything negative about her body. I don’t remember her ever saying she needed to go on a diet, or that she felt fat. Maybe once in a while she’d say she needed to eat healthier, but never a diet.
It’s crazy to me that something my mom didn’t do could make such a big impact without even realizing it. Whether my mom knew what she was doing or not, I’m so thankful for the values she instilled in me.
Another thing to know about my mom that I’ve touched on before, is that she’s such a nice and kind person. Being kind to others is one of my core values, which I definitely got from my mom.
Are you working on my mom’s car? There’s a good chance she’ll bring you some donuts as a thank you. Or if she’s stopping for something in the area she’ll offer to bring over coffee or a bagel.
People also just know my mom is a nice person somehow, even though they’ve never met her before. There’s an infamous story in our family about a time when my mom and my grandma (her mom) were at the grocery store, and there was a woman in line in front of them in pajamas with a parrot on her shoulder. Without any prodding, the woman proceeded to tell my mom the parrot had caused a fire in her house, but also woke her up so she could get out before it burnt down. That’s just one example of the crazy things people have told my mom.
Becoming your parents as you grow up can be a scary thought, but I’m glad and proud to have picked up these qualities from my mom, and so many other qualities of the family and friends I surround myself with.
Do you have your own version of “lessons our mothers taught us”? We’d love to hear about them. Please share in the comments below.